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Stop what you’re doing right now and open up your iTunes. Take a long look. If you’re like me, odds are you need to take a few minutes and clean that shit out.

If you’ve ever had that low disk space bulletin pop up on your desktop, maybe you should reconsider that Creed album you downloaded back in 2001. That Insane Clown Posse album you downloaded in 2003 on a drunken whim, well guess what? It sounds like ass today and it’s going to sound like ass five years down the road. Delete it. Those four UB40 albums you Kazaa’d back in ’03, toss ‘em. Get one of their three greatest hits cds and be done with it.

You may be saying, “I’ve got tons of hard disk space, I can keep it.” You’re wrong. Just because you can keep something doesn’t mean you should. If I followed that logic, I’d still have athlete’s foot.

In fact, I’m going to open up my iTunes right now and see what kind of bile has been stewing on my C drive for way too long. First song that comes up: “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” Nothing against Def Leppard, they’re legacy speaks for itself, but I firmly believe I will never voluntarily listen to “Pour Some Sugar on Me” ever again in my life. Or any of their songs. The only reason anyone would ever hear a Def Leppard song in its entirety now is if they were at a fraternity party at 3 AM or a strip club. Gone, all of it.

Next song up: I have no idea. The artist is someone by the name of Project Pat. I have no idea who or what Project Pat is, nor do I have any recollection of ever having downloaded any of his or her music. But, I have twelve of PP’s songs. That’s a demonstration of the beauty of owning a computer in college, where an unprotected PC at a party can lead to pure audio mayhem. By the way, what the hell kind of name is Project Pat for a rapper? That’s the least threatening name in the rap game minus, of course, Project Pat’s cousins Delinquent Dave and Killer Kenneth. To the recycle bin!

Face it, there’s never going to be a time where you’re going to want to reminisce by listening to a Nickelback song. That John Mayer album might have made you look sensitive and helped get you laid in 2002 but now it’s just going to make you look like a straight up vagina who tries to hard. You’re never going to say, “I could listen to some Limp Bizkit right now. I think I could benefit from it.” At least I hope not.

Above all else, just remember the RIAA is watching you. Always watching you. Do you really want to get the pants sued off of you for a Third Eye Blind song?

This entry was posted on Thursday, November 29th, 2007 at 8:44 pm and is filed under Editorials, Music. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.