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Bye?
Have you ever known someone who doesn’t say bye at the end of a phone conversation? I’ve got a friend who does it every single time on the phone. He just did it to me and I have to admit that I just don’t get it. Where do you learn something like that? Not saying bye is as part of a phone conversation as is dialing the phone.

It’s always awkward when the person hangs up without me realizing it and I continue talking and then I do realize it but there’s somebody else in the room so I have to play it off. Love that.

Crack is back!
Three to six months later, the guy who I thought was homeless but was really a crack dealer has returned to my neighborhood. He hasn’t been hanging out at his usual spot but I have seen him walking up and down my street and hitting up the local dumpsters. I’d like to get a picture of him for all of you to see because I fear my words just do not do him justice. There’s also been a noticeable police presence since he’s reappeared. This is going to get good.

Speed Racer looks awful
I’ll be honest, I didn’t really watch Speed Racer when I was younger because I thought it sucked. But if you had to ask me what a live action version of it would look like, it would be the opposite of this.

Awful. Just awful.

Clogged!

I’ve been battling a clog in my toilet sink and I think it’s winning. I’ve tried everything. I’ve poured clog removers and foamers and boiling water and even acid down my drain and nothing has worked. Yeah, that’s right. I poured fucking acid down my drain. I feel like such a badass for that, too. Like I can do anything now.

Me: What’d you do today?
The person who is about to be made my bitch: Worked out and went to the grocery store. Nothing big. What about you?
Me: Watched last night’s Seinfeld, walked my dog. Oh yeah, I poured fucking acid down my drain.
The person who I just made my bitch: You are my master.
Me: That’s right, bitch!

I could have substituted “I punched a cop in the face” for “poured acid down my drain” and the level of badassedness would have declined not one iota. Not one iota!

A plumber is probably going to be making a stop by my pad tomorrow. My girlfriend will be home alone. I hope when she answers, he says, “I’m here to take a look at your pipes.”

This entry was posted on Monday, April 7th, 2008 at 9:08 pm and is filed under Movies, Only in LA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.