Grood.com

Have you ever had this situation? You’re stopped at a red light and the guy in front of you is not really paying attention because he’s busy either checking out a girl or guy or tranny walking down the street or he’s texting one of his friends about the latest Jonas Brothers* gossip and he fails to notice the light has turned green and so you decide to honk at him to make him aware of the situation. You’re not mad, you’re just giving him a friendly heads up. You’re simply trying to say, “Hey Mr. Driver Guy, the light has turned green. Please act according to the law, both legal and common.” And he gets all pissed off at you and maybe even honks back or he waves his hand sarcastically or even gives you the bird. “Whoa, whoa, whoa,” you think. “You got me all wrong, homedawg.”

My solution: A car horn with two volumes. Different auto situations call for different audible reactions. The standard volume of a domestic automobile is too harsh for some situations and I’m pretty sure it’s across the board (I haven’t had the resources to measure the volume of European or Asian automobile horns).

Let’s equate it to real life: You’re in line for a movie or an amusement park ride or a bukkake and the line is shifting forward and yet the man in front of you ceases to move. You wouldn’t YELL AT HIM AT THE TOP OF YOUR LUNGS TO MOVE, would you? No because that situation does not call for it. You’d simply say, “Excuse me, kind sir, would you mind stepping forward?” It’s more polite and quite frankly, any sudden loud noises in line at a bukkake could result in premature popping. And a premature pop does not a DVD sell.

It’s very simple, really. The top half of the wheel can be the “hey, fuck you you fucking fuck!” horn while the bottom half of the wheel can be the “excuse me, kind sir” horn. Goddamn, I’m a genius.

*I have no idea who/what the Jonas Brothers is/are.

This entry was posted on Monday, July 28th, 2008 at 8:01 am and is filed under Whatever. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.