Grood.com

I was walking alongside a tourist couple on my way to work from my lunch break and we walked past a group of drifters and one of the women¹ asked us all for change.

The two tourists stopped and started digging through their pockets because they’re idiots but I kept on walking because I in fact did not have change and because, well, I typically don’t give money to homeless people. It’s not because they’re homeless and I despise them, it’s just that I don’t like giving money to strangers. Stranger Danger!²

The tourists realized they didn’t have any money and apologized to the drifter lady³ who then said to them, “At least you looked through your pockets unlike this guy,” to which she was referring to me.

And usually, when someone takes an underserving, unexpected shot at me like that, I react negatively. By that, I don’t mean I get angry or anything. No, I react negatively as in I’m usually tongue tied and can’t come up with a substantial comeback until I’m driving home. But, this was not one of those usual moments, my friends.

I quickly snapped back at the drifter lady,⁴ “I didn’t check my pockets because I know nothing is in them because I am financially responsible, unlike you.”

See what I did there? I demonstrated in a tongue-in-cheek self-deprecating way that I was also broke and that I knew it, and I also shoved it back in her face like Shaq against a kid in a wheelchair. That’s known in the industry as a twofer, party people.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010 at 11:02 pm and is filed under Only in LA. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.