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At my last job, which ended roughly four years ago, they set us up with a Health Savings Account. The way it worked was a small percentage of my paycheck qould go towards it, and my employers would match the contribution, all tax free. Those proceeds would then be applied to any medical expense I have, whether it’s doctor visit copays or prescription meds.

So i got my last statement from them and noticed the balance had gotten down to around $11 and was getting lower with each month due to a $2.50 service charge. I called US Bank yesterday and in order to close the account, there is a $30 charge. Yes, I’m being charged $30 to close an account with $11 in it. Awesome.

The dust has settled. The birds are chirping. The pipers are piping. Whatever that means. I got dismissed yesterday. Not really sure why. Was it because I made a joke to the judge about how typical of it for two Mexicans to not be able to fully kill someone? Perhaps.

It’s not the DMV, it’s not the line at the bank, it’s jury duty that really gives you a cross section of the place you live in and destroys your faith in humanity. What sets it apart is, unlike the DMV and the bank, people actually have to answer questions in public. Never before have i ever seen so many people who don’t understand the concept of innocent until proven guilty.

In the “Cape Feare” episode of the Simpsons, arguably one of the best Simpsons episodes of all-time (the one where Sideshow Bob keeps stepping on rakes), there’s a scene where the FBI agents are trying to teach Homer his presumed name and he never quite gets it. That’s exactly how frustrating the jury selection process is. Ugh.

Bad: I’ve been stuck in a courtroom all day listening to a judge explain presumption of innocence to people who barely speak English. Good: one of the potential jurors looks like Chet at the end of Weird Science.

11:43 AM - goddamnit, why did I pick today of all days to download Con Air?

11:41 AM - iPhone dying. Shit.

10:42 AM - Samir Nogga, Nogga, Not gonna serve on this jury.

10:35 AM - the way this room is set up, I keep imagining David Stern walking up to the podium and annoucing a draft pick.

9:47 AM - note to self: don’t ask any of the court staff where the nearest bar is when they dismiss us for lunch.

9:20 AM - need food. Yay group break.

8:56 AM - when the judge asks if there’s any reason why I can’t serve, should I tell him I’m high?

8:40 AM - Hey criminal justice system, fuck you! Asking a juror to report at 7:45 might not be in the best interests of the criminal justice system. Because, right now I don’t care who the defendant is or what they are accused of. I will take them down. All the way to Chinatown.

I didn’t want to go to your stupid memorial service for your stupid King of Pop anyways.

If you don’t know what that is, well then, you lucky bastard. That’s the dreaded red ring of death. It means your Xbox don’t feel like working no more, that’s what it means. The good news: Microsoft will fix it for free. The bad news: Turnaround time is at least a month, not to mention the call(s) I will have to make to their tech support to set it up and be treated like an idiot throughout the entire process.

Here are ten things that sound more pleasant than going through the process of getting a new Xbox 360 from Microsoft:

1. Sharting at work
2. A DUI
3. Doing taxes
4. A broken bone
5. Getting fired
6. Getting beaten up
7. A bad a hair cut
8. Losing your iPhone
9. Mono
10. Getting cheated on