Grood.com

Surely they knew the still from Ice Age 3 looked like male genitalia, right?

henderson213 (8:49:56 PM): saw hancock last weekend
Runboy82 (8:50:08 PM): you’re the olny person i know who saw it.
Runboy82 (8:50:30 PM): it got horrible reviews
henderson213 (8:50:47 PM): yeah it was pretty awful
henderson213 (8:53:10 PM): i read the other day that will smith had originally turned down the role of Neo in the matrix
henderson213 (8:53:34 PM): that would have been awesome.
henderson213 (8:53:44 PM): not for will smith cuz i can’t stand him. it would have been awesome because keanu wouldn’t have been in it.
henderson213 (8:54:07 PM): i mean the matrix is an awesome movie but keanu is just awful in it.
Runboy82 (8:54:12 PM): yeah
henderson213 (8:54:54 PM): likehe is in everything else
henderson213 (8:55:37 PM): anyone could have played neo better.
henderson213 (8:55:59 PM): nick hogan’s friend could have played neo better
Runboy82 (8:56:11 PM): god

Bye?
Have you ever known someone who doesn’t say bye at the end of a phone conversation? I’ve got a friend who does it every single time on the phone. He just did it to me and I have to admit that I just don’t get it. Where do you learn something like that? Not saying bye is as part of a phone conversation as is dialing the phone.

It’s always awkward when the person hangs up without me realizing it and I continue talking and then I do realize it but there’s somebody else in the room so I have to play it off. Love that.

Crack is back!
Three to six months later, the guy who I thought was homeless but was really a crack dealer has returned to my neighborhood. He hasn’t been hanging out at his usual spot but I have seen him walking up and down my street and hitting up the local dumpsters. I’d like to get a picture of him for all of you to see because I fear my words just do not do him justice. There’s also been a noticeable police presence since he’s reappeared. This is going to get good.

Speed Racer looks awful
I’ll be honest, I didn’t really watch Speed Racer when I was younger because I thought it sucked. But if you had to ask me what a live action version of it would look like, it would be the opposite of this.

Awful. Just awful.

Clogged!

I’ve been battling a clog in my toilet sink and I think it’s winning. I’ve tried everything. I’ve poured clog removers and foamers and boiling water and even acid down my drain and nothing has worked. Yeah, that’s right. I poured fucking acid down my drain. I feel like such a badass for that, too. Like I can do anything now.

Me: What’d you do today?
The person who is about to be made my bitch: Worked out and went to the grocery store. Nothing big. What about you?
Me: Watched last night’s Seinfeld, walked my dog. Oh yeah, I poured fucking acid down my drain.
The person who I just made my bitch: You are my master.
Me: That’s right, bitch!

I could have substituted “I punched a cop in the face” for “poured acid down my drain” and the level of badassedness would have declined not one iota. Not one iota!

A plumber is probably going to be making a stop by my pad tomorrow. My girlfriend will be home alone. I hope when she answers, he says, “I’m here to take a look at your pipes.”

I’ve noticed a few billboards for the upcoming George Clooney movie, Leatherheads, about the early days of football. I was thinking, “Ok, I like football. I like Clooney. I like Jim from The Office.” The trailer came on tv last night, posted below, and my interest immediately faded at 18 seconds.

Seriously, is there anyone out there who sees Renee Zellweger and thinks the word “beautiful”? Or even “mildly attractive”? More like “hot after 6 beers”.

I just won an Academy Award! I’m so excited!

This is the proudest moment of my professional career!

All those years of hard work and training have finally paid off!

Meh. Fuck this.

No, I haven’t actually seen it. I saw Employee of the Month and that’s just about enough Dane Cook in a feature film for me. And after reading this hilarious review of Good Luck Chuck, the deal has been sealed.