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An alert reader sent me a link to an incredibly disturbing porn clip. No, it doesn’t involve retards or horses or blowtorches or all three. It’s disturbing only because one of the guys in it looks just like me. Click the image to go to the video (Not safe for work, jackass). There are a few key parts in there where I must say that the guy does bare a striking resemblance to me, like around the twenty second mark where he’s tossing one girl’s salad while pounding another chick.

Sure, I’ve been in a handful of movies but not porn. Actually, I take that back. Well it’s not like the movie ever went public. Let me ask, does it count as porn if she doesn’t know there’s a camera?

I managed to watch Invincible the other day. Despite it being your typical inspirational underdog sports movie and that it starred Marky Mark, the movie was actually pretty good. I recommend watching it if you’re bored.

I liked the movie enought to do some research on the inspiration for Invincible, who played football for the Philadelphia Eagles for three seasons. It turns out Invincible was not the only movie inspired by Vincent Papale. In 1998, Disney released a Tony Danza movie called The Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadelphia Phenomenon. That’s the actual title of a Tony Danza Movie. I shit you not.

I wonder why it wasn’t a box office success.

So I finally got around to watching Poseidon (it’s not always I before E, bitches) tonight on HBO. I never really cared to see it when it was in the theaters. I had to watch the trailer for it at every Dodgers home game I went to from April before it opened all the way to around June when it was switched to the Superman trailer. I was actually sick of the movie before it even opened and without having seen it. There was no way in hell I was going to see it.

But tonight was different. We had just gotten out cable turned back on and I felt like relaxing. Poseidon was coming on at 7 – why not give it a chance? I was impressed from the start. The boat itself was beautiful and the cast was full of stars like Kurt Russell, Josh Lucas and Richard Dreyfuss.

I must say a movie has definite potential if it has Kurt Russell in it. He played Wyatt Earp and was awesome in it so it makes sense that any movie he’s in is also awesome, all the way back to Big Trouble in Little China to the film being discussed. Things were really starting to pick up steam in Poseidon’s favor.

Then came the part I was really waiting to see: the rogue wave. The scene starts out as a night of celebration at sea. It’s complete with good food, fine wine, a few laughs and special musical entertainment by none other than Fergie of the Black Eyed Peas.

Click.

This is a difficult review to write, seeing as to how I’ve never actually seen Moulin Rouge! You can put it up on the list along with The Lion King, Million Dollar Baby, Chicago and all of the Harry Potters, as these are all popular, some award-winning, movies that I have not seen and probably will never see. I just never got around to seeing it. I just happened to come home the other night and my roommate and one of our friends were watching the Moulin. I was kind of going in and out of the living room and would glance over so I saw a little.

I’m not even sure what it’s about. Judging by the scattered 15 seconds of the whole movie that I actually saw along with what I remember from the trailers five years ago, I think it’s about people that own a club or are putting on a play or something. Is that even close? Probably not.

It’s probably about down on their luck Depression era steel workers who sing to get by or something goofy like that. Maybe there’s a sick boy who needs money for an operation, maybe has polio. And the steel workers enter some “competition, a singing competition? A singing competition!” in order to raise money for the boy.

Hell, I could be right on guessing about the plot. You probably just read that and thought, “Douglas Ferdinand Dixon, you’re so full of shit. It’s obvious you’ve seen it. You probably have it on Laserdisc.” Nay, I have not seen it but for the sake of this article, let’s agree on the plot that I am probably right about: Moulin Rouge! is about Depression Era steel workers who use song in order to save a little boy’s life.

Based on the short snippets I saw, it looks like a pretty good movie. There was lovely set decoration and the vocal performances were very powerful and moving. It’s probably entertaining.

I still probably won’t watch it and it’s not because I think it’s a sissie-ish movie or anything. I just don’t care to see it. I don’t want to see Nicole Kidman sing any more than I want to see Hilary Swank all googley in the hospital at the end of MDB. That happened, right?

My friend’s got it on DVD. He said when it came out he saw it 12 nights in a row. 12; it meant that much to him. If one of my friends can find that much meaning and inspiration in a movie, I think I owe it to him to at least watch it once. I can maybe find the time.

Nope.

mac3n81 (8:25:20 PM): finally got around to seeing Happy Feet
Runboy82 (8:25:37 PM): and?
mac3n81 (8:28:32 PM): you know how in march of penguins someof them died and it was sad and whatnot?
Runboy82 (8:29:32 PM): i never actually saw it but i can imagine
mac3n81 (8:30:01 PM): well with happy feet iw as actually sad that none of the penguins were dying
Runboy82 (8:30:16 PM): oh
mac3n81 (8:30:29 PM): and robin williams did two voices for the movie
mac3n81 (8:30:51 PM): cuz there just isn’t enough robin williams in teh world these days
mac3n81 (8:31:18 PM): i’m surprised they didn’t have owen wilson in there too
mac3n81 (8:31:26 PM): maybe ben stiller
mac3n81 (8:32:47 PM): like you ever see a movie where it’s so cheap and cliche that you feel like you’re being slapped in the face by the cast and crew?
Runboy82 (8:33:06 PM): yeah that’s how i was about oceans 12
mac3n81 (8:33:25 PM): it’s like i got slapped in the face and when i was wincing in pain they took $14 out of my wallet.
Runboy82 (8:31:41 PM): is owen the one with the nose?
mac3n81 (8:31:39 PM): yeah