By Doug on March 31st, 2010
Two things dawned on me today while riding my bike to work: 1) I have no idea what the health care debate is about and 2) black men can pull off jean shorts.
Jean shorts. Those haven’t been cool on white people in over a decade and yet I know I can walk outside tomorrow and in ten minutes see at least three brothers wearing them. Meanwhile, what happens when a white man wears jean shorts, or jorts, if you will? It ain’t pretty. It says I bought these shorts in 1996 and essentially gave up on fashion right then and there. Or they say I’m a massive, massive tool. Tim Tebow, I’m looking at you.
Anyways, here’s some news stories I found interesting
Almost two dozen dead Chinese babies washed up on the shore of a river. “Holy fucking shit!” one writer for this blog exclaimed too loudly at work.
A pic of Jesse James looking very Nazi-ish has surfaced today. I feel bad for Sandra Bullock since she was in Speed II which is hands down the greatest action movie ever. But at the same time, she married a guy fucking covered in tattoos who works on motorcycles for a living. Can she really be that surprised by any of this?
By Doug on June 15th, 2009
Jesus Horatio Christ, again! I asked this last time when Eminem was cough his head but seriously, am I missing something here? I know there are a few differences between American English and English English but it has to do with saying lift instead of elevator and telly instead of television and other little faggy variations like that but Students are toff their heads? Did they just make that up for this article?
Want to know what toff means? According to The Free Dictionary, toff means a member of the upper classes, especially one who is elegantly dressed. So, that headline is saying students are upper classing and dressing elegantly their heads. If there was ever any question as to how we beat the English in war, this is the answer.
By Doug on May 10th, 2009
What is wrong with the British? Just what is wrong? I found this article last week and I’m still trying to figure out just what the hell “I was cough my head” means. I even considered the notion that it was a typo but a week later and the headline remains.
Seriously, am I missing something? I’ve been reading and writing English for a little under 25 years and I even studied writing in college so I’m pretty confident in my ability to decipher text in an orderly and efficient manner, but what the fuck?
By Doug on April 27th, 2009
The White House apologized today after a low-flying Boeing 747 was spotted flying low around the Manhattan area and scared residents and workers into evacuating buildings. The FAA said the aircraft, which was being tailed by two F-16s, was part of a government-sanctioned photo shoot. As would be expected when a low-flying jumbo airliner and two fighter jets are seen flying low over Manhattan, people freaked the fuck out. “I thought there was some kind of an attack,” said Paul Nadler, who sprinted down more than 20 flights of stairs after watching the plane from his office in Jersey City shortly after 10 a.m. “We ran like hell.”
“Why the Defense Department wanted to do a photo op right around the site of the World Trade Center defies the imagination,” said Mayor Michael Bloomberg. I’m going to go out on a limb and suggest the residents of New York might have been a little traumatized by 9/11. I dunno, just me? This may quite possibly have been the most poorly thought out idea since that time I tried to mug a guy on Halloween who was dressed like a cop and he turned out to be an actual cop.
By Doug on October 14th, 2008
I found this article today about some doucheface in New York who thought it’d be funny to put up a Halloween display featuring John McCain and Barack Obama. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that McCain is wearing a hooded KKK robe and chasing Obama with a baseball bat. Pure hilarity!
This actually may be the first time in the history of everything that a display involving Barack Obama and the KKK didn’t turn out to be outright racist. The guy who put it up said he is trying to make a point about how Obama has been treated unfairly by the McCain campaign. Um… ok. Previously, the same guy put up a Halloween display during the 2004 featuring Bush dressed as Dracula and Kerry as Frankenstein’s monster. What he was trying to say with that display I will never know, mainly because I don’t really care.
Even though the current display is not really racist in any way, the Star Gazette in New York interviewed Georgia Verdier (pictured), president of the local branch of the NAACP, because that’s what white-owned newspapers do when they get scared. Verdier said she did not find the display to be offensive and OH MY FUCKING GOD LOOK AT HER HAIR ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?
By Doug on July 16th, 2008
In case you wanted to know what a baby born with a penis on its back looks like well, here ya go.
Does this count as kiddie porn?
The sad thing is even though the extra penis has been removed, he’s still going to be known among his classmates as the guy who was born with an extra penis on his back. Even years down the road, people will still know. I knew a guy in the 6th grade who was born with an upside down penis and he had to have surgery to fix it. I can’t remember anything else about him, only his name and that he was born with an upside down penis and he had to have surgery to fix it. We’re friends on facebook.
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