Grood.com

We had a good ride, you and I. Just remember, the good people at Microsoft are going to fix you up real nice. You’ll see.

They’re going to give you a fan that actually works and, hell, they might even replace your motherboard. And when you get out of the hospital, there will be a family waiting for you that might love you even more than I do.

They’re going to send me a refurbished one but just between you and me, it’ll be a purely physical relationship. When I’m playing NHL 09 or watching Hot Rod again, there will be a part of me thinking of you always.

Goodbye. Be well.

“Where did you get that shirt?”

“I bought it at that store. You know, that store with the giant urinal right in the middle of it.”

First off, people, stop sending me stupid marijuana-related text messages. I’m familiar with the way the Gregorian calendar works. I got it.

But on a 4/20 related note, here’s a pic I took last week of the one, the only, big Snoop Dogg as we waited at an intersection together in Hollywood. He’s a tall mofo. As we waited, I had that internal debate over whether or not to say something to him. I chose not since, well, what does a white guy say to Snoop Dogg on a Friday at 8:55 AM?

I filled up on March 10th and this is what I have left. Suck it, bitches!

If you don’t know what that is, well then, you lucky bastard. That’s the dreaded red ring of death. It means your Xbox don’t feel like working no more, that’s what it means. The good news: Microsoft will fix it for free. The bad news: Turnaround time is at least a month, not to mention the call(s) I will have to make to their tech support to set it up and be treated like an idiot throughout the entire process.

Here are ten things that sound more pleasant than going through the process of getting a new Xbox 360 from Microsoft:

1. Sharting at work
2. A DUI
3. Doing taxes
4. A broken bone
5. Getting fired
6. Getting beaten up
7. A bad a hair cut
8. Losing your iPhone
9. Mono
10. Getting cheated on

This is what happens when you buy a black swimsuit and swim at the pool at 24-hour fitness in Hollywood for three months straight:

For the purposes of comparison, this is generally what the color black looks like: